Four years ago, I tried to write in the style of Dan Brown, using only my vague memories of The Da Vinci Code. I found it just now on an old hard drive, so here you go:
Robert Langdon creeped very carefully down the dusty steps into the secret Catholic archive vault. The steps were very dusty and old, like a very old bookcase that had not been dusted in a long time.
“Where are we going?” asked Francesca Cannoli, who was beautiful and Italian.
“To the secret Catholic archive vault to find an artifact – something cryptic and seemingly illogical.”
“Such things exist underneath the Vatican!?” Francesca asked.
“Yes, let me explain,” Robert explained. “Back in the 14th century, the Catholic church began hoarding vast amounts of cryptic, seemingly illogical items under their Pope Palace because they feared someone might discover them. You see, in a very tangential way, all the cryptic artifacts lead to a big secret that only the Catholics know about.”
“Wow, I wonder what the secret is!” Francesca said.
Robert knew the secret because he was very smart, but he wasn’t going to tell. He was like a man playing cards who didn’t want to show the other players his cards.
“I can’t tell you … because you’re a spy!”